Yes, my loyal reading hordes of fans, I’ve made a decision. Actually a couple of decisions.
1) Just Say No to soul-sucking jobs that involve no control over personal timetables and the yuckiness of being on call. I finally built up the courage to hit the “decline” button on the electronic job offer that the hospital sent me. I waited until the last possible moment to do so. One of the hospital admin staff even called to remind me that the offer was about to expire. I took great satisfaction in not telling him what I planned to do, because that particular hospital admin person is a slimy, useless slug of an incompetent fool. Ha! I showed him.
2) Go back to school – Part 1. I’m going to enrol in a Masters of Public Health (by distance learning so I can procrastinate ad infinitum).
3) Go back to school – Part 2. Only in this step, I’ll be the teacher, not the student – how the tables have turned. I’m going to be a tutor at the medical school, passing on my wisdom (ummm..) to the shiny-eyed keen beans that don’t know what’s in store for them after they graduate.
4) Follow my star(gazer). S is going to be applying for post-grad positions, which means the strong possibility of a job overseas. The options for moving overseas to work as a doctor are limited by having to sit additional exams, and/or speaking another language. If said post-doc position was in the US or Canada then I may scrabble around to find the energy to sit the USMLE or whatever the Canadian version is, and if we move somewhere even more exotic then I’ll definitely be taking some language classes, but it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to do all that and find a doctor job within the 2-3 years that the position entails. So, I might have to pop back to Australia every 4-6 months to do a spot of locumming, and spend the rest of the time being a lady of leisure, enjoying life in a different country.
It may seem strange to you, that I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am (or where I was before I quit my job as surgical registrar), only to walk away from it. It’s certainly a decision that has weighed me down for the last year. All I wanted to do since medicine was surgery, and I took pride in being a woman pursuing that course. Which of course, makes me feel guilty that I’ve abandoned it for the moment – like I’m letting down all the women who want to be surgeons. But I’ve chosen this path because I know that it makes me happy right now. I’m actually not that fussed by being out of the medical rat race. Not being stressed out of my mind, and having time to spend with S, and with friends, and to pursue other interests makes me happy, I’m pleased to discover. And that’s enough for me right now.